Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six Read online

  Penny frowned. “What am I going to be defending myself from? I can take down a frat boy now with my handy-dandy new fangs.” She gave us a demo with a snarl. “And I seem stronger too. I’m not one to go to a gym, but my punch had some power behind it tonight.”

  “You hit someone?” Rafe looked from Penny to me. “What’s been going on?”

  “I’ll tell you later.” I smiled at him. “Now, Penny, let’s pretend you’re surrounded and outnumbered by people brandishing stakes. We can be killed with a wooden stake to the heart. That part of the vamp mythology is true.”

  “Gross.” Penny looked around, searching the shadows. “You mean there are people out there who know vampires exist and hunt them?”

  “A few. Luckily most of society doesn’t believe them. Writes vamp hunters off as crazy.” Rafe smiled. “Or considers the stories about you guys pure fiction.”

  “Obviously it’s not.” Penny sighed. “This is almost too much to take in.”

  “You can handle it.” I patted her shoulder. “You have to. Now back to defense.” I stepped back and looked around, pretending I was surrounded. “Vamp hunters everywhere, but they’re mere mortals. Too many to fight, but you can escape. What do you do?”

  “Shape-shift?” Penny looked interested. “But forget flying. Not my thing.”

  “Why not? You need to move in a hurry. Flying is a good way to escape and I prefer doing it as a bird. Though you can become a bat if you don’t mind being a cliché.” I studied the sky. It was a clear night with a sliver of a moon. “This is a perfect night to practice. No wind.”

  “I told you. Forget flying. Can’t I shift into other animals and just scare the hell out of them? How about a panther?” Penny also glanced at the sky, but not appreciatively.

  “You can shift into whatever you want, but what’s wrong with flying?” I got close to her. “You afraid of heights?”

  “I’m acrophobic, okay? Deal with it.” Penny’s chin lifted. “I don’t do airplanes or roofs and I’m sure not going to do, uh, birds or bats. Trust me, if I hadn’t been scared, I’d have jumped out of my bedroom window earlier tonight and gone to see Jenny then. I actually opened it and tried to take the leap, then chickened out.”

  “Give me a break.” It had never occurred to me that she might have gone out her window.

  “You give me one. No flying.” Penny had a mulish look and I figured arguing was futile.

  “Now that’s a problem.” I glanced at Rafe. “Got to be honest with you. Once I got past my own reluctance, flying out of trouble saved my butt a time or two.”

  “She’s right, Penny.” Rafe and I exchanged looks full of memories. “Something like a panther might scare away a predator, but it’s also a pretty big target. You could try sneaking away. Become something tiny. Like an ant or cockroach.” He frowned. “Of course you can get stomped or kicked. Right, Glory?”

  I shuddered; Penny too. “Ancient history, Rafe.” I’d done the roach thing and had an unhappy ending. Literally.

  “I’d much rather work the fear factor.” Penny had obviously been thinking this over. “Panther, lion, cheetah. Obviously I’m partial to cats.”

  “That could work. But a hunter will just pull out a conventional weapon and shoot you. You could be wounded, which would slow you down.” Rafe was solemn, all business. “Honestly, you need to try to get over this height thing. Now that you’re a vampire, your perspective might have changed. Go for the bird, Penny. At least once. Are you game?”

  Penny sighed, her shoulders tense. “Okay, I’ll try. But no guarantees.”

  “That’s a given.” I smiled encouragingly. “Now pick a kind of bird and get it in mind.”

  “Fine. I’ve always liked bluebirds. Like that bluebird of happiness that dumped on my head a few nights ago.” Her smile was wry. “Now what?”

  “Now you visualize that bluebird. I mean, really see it in your mind and imagine becoming the bird from the claws up to the beak. Then flap your wings and fly up to a branch in that tree over there. Rafe and I will meet you. We’ll still be able to talk to each other in our minds.” I watched Penny. She closed her eyes, her forehead wrinkling as she concentrated, her fists clenched. Nothing happened. Finally she opened her eyes.

  “What’s wrong? Why am I still a person?” She looked down and stomped her foot.

  “I think you’re trying too hard and worrying too much about the flying.” I smiled, totally sympathizing with her. I’d freaked out when I’d first tried to shift, sure I’d be stuck forever as a bird or a bat. Not that I was sharing that concern with her. “Take a few breaths, relax and picture yourself that beautiful blue. Feel your feathers, the air under your wings. Now close your eyes and let yourself transform.”

  Rafe gave me an elbow. “Can’t believe you’re actually pretty good at this. I thought I was going to be the one giving the lessons.”

  “I’m just telling her what you told me to help get me over my own phobia.” I grinned when I saw Penny suddenly change. She looked down at her feet, now claws, then up again.

  “Am I . . . ?”

  “Yes, you’re a beautiful bluebird. Now flap your wings and see if you can fly.” I did my thing, becoming a mockingbird and Rafe became a blackbird. We did a few laps around the hilltop before we settled on a branch near the top of a tree to watch.

  “Come on up!” I was talking in my mind now. We all were.

  “I—I can’t.” Penny sounded panicked. “Get me the hell out of here!” She looked up at me, then hopped a few steps. I flew down to land beside her.

  “Calm down. Take it easy. Hey, you did shift. Great first step. But if you could just flap your wings and come up a foot or two, I know you’d like it. It’s really amazing to fly.” I took off and soared above her.

  “Says you.” She sat in the dirt. “I’m not flapping anything. How do I get back to me?” Her voice was shaking and I could see panic about to set in.

  I landed beside her again. “Okay, Penny. Just relax. Maybe we tried this too soon.”

  She stabbed me with her beak. “Get me back to myself. Now!” Her bird eyes were wild.

  “Calm down and we will.” Rafe flew down to her other side and his quiet voice finally seemed to penetrate her panic.

  “I’m a failure.” Bird tears dripped off Penny’s beak. “Intellectually I should be able to overcome this ridiculous phobia. Talk myself out of it.” She trembled, her feathers quivering. “But, but I can’t.” Big birdie boo hoos.

  I wanted to reassure her because I’d been where she was now, but I still smarted from that stab with her beak. Hey, she’d drawn blood. I let Rafe handle her.

  “No, you’re not a failure.” Rafe moved closer. “Glory’s right. We did rush you. Now let’s get you back to your human form. Imagine yourself Penny as usual. Don’t overthink it, just picture feet, body, head. I’m right here, watching you.” Rafe spoke gently, with an assurance that didn’t allow for doubt. Then he took off. I bet he was remembering how I used to have meltdowns, positive I’d never look human again. He’d talked me through the whole thing.

  I sat beside Penny, proud of her when she suddenly transformed without a hitch. I did the same, totally at ease with it now.

  “Fantastic. You’re a natural.” I patted her shoulder, deciding not to mention the puncture wound on my arm that was already healing.

  “Oh, my God! That was a total freak-out! I’m not turning into any more flying things, but now that I know I can get back, I can see shifting is definitely doable.” Penny wiped tears off her cheeks. “What else can I be? What else have you been, Glory?”

  “You can be just about any animal you’re familiar with. Rafe was a Labradoodle for years. I tried my hand at being a golden retriever.” I smiled. “You could be a cat too, a house cat. I’m sure your own pet would find that interesting.”

  “No kidding.” Penny shook her head. “Don’t think I’ll go there.”

  “Isn’t this just the coziest scene ever,” a male voice said
from the other side of the clearing.

  “I’m getting teary just witnessing all the bonding going on.” Another male voice.

  Rafe and I stood in protective mode between the voices and Penny, when two men shimmered into view. One was tall and lean with long dark hair and an expensive black suit. His white shirt and gold tie were immaculate. The other man was a bit shorter but not by much. He was more casually dressed but you could tell he had an expensive tailor too. His trousers had an Italian look and his sport shirt was silk. He was dressed all in black, down to his leather loafers. But his hair was a golden blond. Both men were handsome enough to make Penny shove at me so she could get a better look.

  “Well, well, I knew this was a demon’s playground and here’s the demon spawn himself with some of his playthings.” Blond guy flicked his hand at the burned bush Rafe had taken out when I’d tried to dump him. Oops. Rafe had warned me that act might have stirred interest in him down below. So these guys must be ambassadors from hell. A slight breeze brought a whiff of sugar to me. I recognized it instantly. Demons put on the sweet smell along with a beautiful façade when they came up to be around mortals.

  “Glory?” Penny tapped me on the back.

  “Hush. Rafe and I will handle this.” I hoped and prayed we would anyway.

  “Gloriana!” The dark one strode across the clearing, his hand outstretched. “I’d never have recognized you from Alesa’s description. Though she was a bit rattled by her visit here, there is no excuse for missing the mark like she did. You are obviously a natural blond.” His gray eyes swept over me, like he’d peeled the clothes right off to see down to my skin underneath. Rafe growled and stepped between us.

  “You’ve gone far enough, Caryon.” Rafe held up his hand. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Steady, demon child.” Blond guy was at his cohort’s side. “We’re here on legitimate business. Some with you, some with the delicious Gloriana here.” He smiled at me, suddenly around Rafe as if he didn’t exist. “Alesa says hi.”

  “I’ll bet she does.” I didn’t smile back. “I have no business with the likes of you. Go back where you came from.” The sugary smell was so strong it was nauseating.

  “Get away from her, Spyte.” Rafe thrust an arm between us.

  “Spite? Carrion? Are you kidding me? What is this? A bad comic strip?” Penny made the mistake of giggling.

  “Oh, does the new vampire need a demo?” Caryon smiled, suddenly showing a mouthful of deadly looking fangs. His hunky façade vanished and he was the stuff of nightmares, all scaly skin and snout. Beside him, Spyte chuckled when Penny clutched my skirt, then sank to the ground, whimpering.

  “Quit it!” I don’t know where my nerve came from, maybe from carrying around one of their evil sisters for weeks. “State your business and then go.”

  Caryon was back to his pretty-boy self. “Rafael, aren’t you proud of your woman?”

  Rafe glanced at me, sending me a mental message to be careful. “Of course I am. She’s not afraid of your butt-ugly self or interested in your pretty one. Now what do you want? Come to collect a debt for Lucifer?” He glanced at the bush he’d burned with a look from his eyes when they’d gone red with fury that night. “For flaming that thing?”

  “That will be collected at a date to be named later.” Spyte laughed and brushed an insinuating hand down Rafe’s black N-V T-shirt.

  I grabbed Rafe before he could start something he’d regret, my stomach heaving at the idea of hell’s payback. Then I looked around. “Penny! Where—”

  “The little rat scurried away into the brush. She’s cowering over there. Thinks we can’t find her.” Caryon smiled. “Don’t worry, little girl, we’re not interested in you tonight. Just your mentor.”

  “What do you want with me? And you will leave Penny the hell alone.” I stayed shoulder to shoulder with Rafe, though I knew he wanted me behind him. Not happening.

  “Oh, Alesa was so right.” Spyte put his hand on Caryon’s arm. “She does have a weakness. Glory, we are so glad to know that.”

  Rafe growled and surged toward them until he was suddenly turned to stone. It was a demon trick and I was surprised the two hadn’t whipped it out sooner. Rafe was frozen in place, only his eyes moving. I knew they could have relaxed their hold enough to let him talk, but obviously I was the one they wanted to chat with this time. I felt chilled right down to my black boots.

  “Weak? I don’t think so. I handled Alesa and I can handle you two.” I glared at them though I knew I hadn’t exactly been a tower of strength when the female demon had taken up residence inside me. Still, she hadn’t managed to turn me into one of her disciples of evil either. So I considered it a victory for the good guys. “You’re wasting your time here. Go back to hell where you belong.”

  “No, not yet. Your weakness is so obvious.” Spyte moved in a blur and returned the same way, a wiggling white rat in his hand. “For example, check out this cute little rodent. Look in her eyes. Recognize anyone?”

  I hate rats, even the obviously pet kind, but I recognized the frantic golden brown eyes. Penny. She sent me hysterical mental messages as Spyte held her, first by the tail, then in his hand, alternately squeezing then petting her.

  “Put her down!” I lunged toward him but he danced back. Caryon slipped his arm around my waist, anchoring me in a death grip that I couldn’t escape.

  “Ah, yes. Glory loves her little and not-so-little friends.” Caryon glanced back at Rafe, whose eyes glowed red. “Some more than others, eh, Rafael?” His laugh was full of innuendo and I felt like he’d watched me in dirty videos. What had Alesa told these bastards? Oh, God. And what was Spyte going to do to Penny?

  He dropped her in his pants pocket and grinned at me, letting me see his real teeth, sharp and horrifying.

  “Morning snack, right, Car?”

  “Chopped up in an omelet?” Caryon smacked his lips. “Garlic or cilantro?”

  “Both. I saw the most wonderful recipe on this cooking show—”

  “Stop it! What do you want?” I jerked against Caryon’s hold, the reek of him this close making me gasp, like I’d been dropped in a vat of boiling sugar. I swallowed bile.

  “We come with a proposition. From the big boss down below.” Caryon frowned at me. “Don’t you dare throw up on my new shoes. Italian leather, custom-made.” He thrust me away from him. “Stay.”

  My feet stuck to the ground but at least I could inhale fresh air again. I saw Spyte’s pants wiggling and he grimaced. Guess Penny had bitten him through the cloth. Good for her. But I sent her a mental message to be still. He could kill her with a hard smack against his thigh.

  “What’s the proposition?” I didn’t want to hear it. Would never do anything for the Devil or Lucifer or whoever was calling the shots down there. But I’d play along for Penny’s sake.

  “Lucifer. Lucifer sent us.” Spyte smiled. “You know we can read your thoughts, don’t you? Your puny vampire mind blocks don’t work on us so don’t even try it.”

  “Whatever. Just spill it.” I feigned a yawn. “Is there anything more boring than carrying on over a lost cause? Just release Rafe from that stupid freeze thing and let Penny go so she can shift back. She’s new and now I’m afraid you’ve traumatized her for the rest of her immortal life.” At least they’d left my arms and head loose from the freeze. I glanced back at Rafe and gave him an encouraging smile. Then I put my hands on my hips to show I still had attitude. “Well?”

  “You’re all about others, aren’t you?” Caryon shook his head. “This may not work, Spyte. If she’s really”—he shuddered—“good, how can she do the job?”

  “There’s only one way to find out. Tell her.” Spyte dragged Penny out of his pocket. “This damned rat is showing potential. She actually gnawed a hole in my pocket and broke skin.” His black eyes twinkled. “She was going for my family jewels.”

  “That’s my girl. She probably thought that ripping them off and tossing them to me would be a n
ice parting gift.” I nodded at her proudly. “Since you seem to be determined to keep her.”

  Caryon laughed. “Glory, Glory, you are such a hoot. Do you think we’d ever be afraid of you or your little fledgling?”

  “You know, I’m thinking. If Glory won’t do this job, maybe Miss Penny here will. I would like to keep her. You should hear her vocabulary. And she bit me, Car. Me! I’m really impressed.” Spyte’s gruesome mouth was a perfect O of surprise.

  “It’s an idea. A backup plan.” Caryon studied Penny with an interest that made me desperate to snatch her away. If I could only move.

  “Back up to this shoe, Caryon, and I’ll shove it up your backside when you have the guts to unfreeze me.” I gave him my best snarl. “Leave. Penny. Alone.”

  Caryon just smiled as he focused on me again. “I will if you take our deal. Lucifer wants you to gather souls for him. You know so many interesting people. Alesa gave him quite a list of potential donors. And he thinks you’re in a good position to be a harvester for us.”

  “You’re out of your freaking mind.” I watched Penny lying in Spyte’s hand as he stroked her between her ears. She was shivering. “Never.”

  “We can’t make you do it.” Caryon looked up at the night sky. “There are these aggravating rules in place. But we can bribe you, and Alesa suggested a really good one.”

  “I can’t imagine what you could offer me that would tempt me to lure my friends and acquaintances over to the dark side.” I wasn’t really listening. I was trying to keep my mind blank since I knew they could read it, though I desperately wanted to get us out of there.

  “Gloriana St. Clair,” Caryon intoned with the voice of an announcer on a quiz show. “How would you like to be a size six?”

  Five

  “You have got to be kidding me. That’s your bribe?” I stared at Spyte.

  “Yes.” He frowned down at Penny, who was gnawing on his thumb. “Alesa assured me that was one of your heart’s desires. That’s how we get people on the give-up-your-soul train. Dangle something they really, really want in front of them and—bam!—they’re ours. Ouch?” Black blood began to ooze from the wound Penny had made.